Overcoming online dating
Overcoming online dating
Perhaps it is not realistic to expect it to fully disappear. Usually the stages of grief get forced onto a person by events beyond their control.
Early on, one of my great fears in starting this journey was seeing when I actually did find people on a forum who had been successful for many months or in some cases a matter of years, that many returned to the habit to escape their resulting depression. I have seen other loved ones in my own family that I know closely that have suffered through extreme depression, so I hesitate to put this in the same category because I do not know if I can compare the severity to what they experienced. We can see with others that it can really derail a person and should not be ignored. Get help (including therapy if needed or other support) to the degree you need to be ready for it.
There is a change in how I think and act, and how I live. I am happier, more peaceful, more stable, and more balanced than I was before. You can desire something, but learn how to choose other things.
There is a tradeoff of thrill/excitement for peace, a more stable and manageable life and peace of mind. Those have value though it is living a different way. I love them, and though I can sometimes feel bored with my own life from time to time, I have never found myself unable to tire of loving and helping them and spending time with them and their world, cares, concerns, challenges and fun moments, and doing things together. I talk more with some people I care about, like my brother just about life. Therapy, being honest with myself, having my spouse and others know my reality; have helped me to learn this.
I can say that overall I feel that the intensity of the desire has diminished a little, only a little.
Not as much as I wish, but I am thankful for any windfall I can get.
However, I think there is also a benefit of having the conscious choice to go through this.
We do not have to be ambushed by the unexpected feelings or timing of when we start this process.
We can have realistic expectations and choose when we want to undertake this.
I think in some ways that is also a small advantage. I think you can tell I am still trying to fill things in my life and it has not been easy and is certainly still not where I want to reach to. I am convinced that this challenge is ultimately won by slow, steady, gradual healing of time as we keep good habits and let sobriety build.
I want to thank those who keep similar blogs to this one and who comment and share with others.
It is important that people know and can see that while our choice to change is challenging, there is a way for anyone who really looks for it and is willing to invest in and work just as hard at establishing the habits of recovery as we did establishing the patterns of our fixation. I still find that it seems to go in waves or cycles.
Certainly as I have observed, that retained choice makes it easy to change one’s mind and back out if one wants.