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On bad days, I’d meet men who claimed they wanted a relationship, would get me in all nice and cozy, only to ghost a few days later, leaving me with a giant question mark. Men who were perfectly nice — the type of men who you’d want to bring home to mom — but who I 100% did not want to have sex with.The idea of sleeping with these men made my skin crawl, even though they were super sweet.
Katzen können das ebenfalls – wenn auch auf ganz andere Art und Weise.
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So about a year ago, I decided that I would only pursue dates with men who were looking for a relationship. So I was left with guys who were genuinely interested in finding a partner and settling down — right? Because, as I’ve written before, saying you want a relationship and actually being in a relationship are actually two completely different things.
I’d meet men who probably wanted a relationship, but who didn’t want one with me.
It was around this time that I created The Naked Test, a test in which I had to decide by date three whether or not I wanted to ever be naked with the guy.
It was a way for me to avoid feeling guilty over not dating “nice guys.” But that still didn’t help my dating fatigue — and I couldn’t figure out why.I was dating guys who seemed like Pinterest versions of partners, without really caring about what made them tick.Instead of getting to know them as people first, I was basically interviewing them for the role of “boyfriend.” That’s what I was doing back when The Naked Test had to be instated, and that’s what I was doing again. Well, for starters, I’ve recognised that the idea of being “relationship material” is incredibly subjective, and changes depending on the person.I went out with a whiskey distiller, a few investment bankers, a bunch of comedians, a carpenter who hung all of the shelves in my apartment, a tugboat captain (seriously), and spent an entire summer dating Australian men exclusively.But I also was wasting my time with a lot of people who weren’t looking for what I was trying to find: a real connection that could grow.I’ve definitely pulled back from the apps a bit, only using them a few days a week instead of every day.