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The problem with the worship of the alpha male starts with the current fad of explaining male and female sexual behaviors via evolutionary psychology and involves two disparite beliefs.
Sexual exclusivity and the obsession with genetic lineage didn’t come about until the development of agriculture – and with it, the idea of private ownership.
Every once in a while, I like to go browse through some various blogs, forums and subreddits specializing in men’s dating advice to see what theories are being espoused.
It’s not terribly surprising (to me) to see that the idea of “being alpha” is continuing to be tossed around as the end-all/be-all of dating; it’s a part of the DNA of men’s dating advice – the complaints of Nice Guys lamenting the popularity of assholes, nerds complaining about jocks getting all the girls and of course, the obsession in PUA circles with status games and “shit tests” – that is, acting in such a manner as to “test” a man’s status by trying to make him supplicate or otherwise disqualify a man from being a potential sexual partner.
It is for anxious, insecure women who always find themselves propping up relationships with ambivalent men by texting, calling and making plans. You have a guy who’s seen you four times, who asked you out for a fifth date, who followed up by phone just to connect afterwards, and whose biggest crime was not confirming/nailing down a time for the date itself. And because you didn’t approach him directly with a perfectly reasonable question shoring up your plans, you ended up alienating him. By sending that text, wouldn’t it mean that she’s reminding him that she’s alive and interested?
Looking back, don’t you think you would have gotten your fifth date if you’d texted him on Thursday, Believe it or not, men don’t play games. And if you’re confused about the difference between confirming plans and initiating plans, here’s what it looks like when a woman reaches out to a man out of insecurity that she’ll never hear from him again: Weak, needy, insecure, desperate – all the things that the first “Hey sexy” text is not. A guy will move mountains to be with a woman he is very interested in.
More often than not, it gets mixed in with evolutionary psychology – the idea that men and women act a specific way because of evolution.
According to the standard script, women are attracted to “alphas” because they are looking for prime genetic material who can also protect and provide for them, thus ensuring the continuation of their genetic line.
Up until about 10,000 years ago (a not even a blink of the eye, evolutionarily speaking), humans lived in small disparate communal groups with no real concept of individual ownership or even parentage.
Sexual relationships weren’t a question of monogamy or harem-like structures but polygynous and polyandrous.
The woman and the alpha – in this view – gets the best of both worlds; the alpha gets to spread his genes while the woman gets not just superior genetic stock for her offspring but also physical and material support as well.
Meanwhile the poor cuckolded beta is stuck having his genetic line cut off while expending resources raising another man’s child.
When I let him know that I had made plans (I also noted that I enjoyed spending time with him and I was looking forward to going out again), he basically sent me a tersely worded email expressing his disappointment and I haven’t heard from him since.