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He had a girlfriend, so she didn’t think anything sexual would happen.
She hopes stories like hers help draw attention to sexual assault.“I don’t want anyone to hide anymore,” she said. It’s not healthy.”Khan said her experience has taught her the benefit of explicit consent: “I don’t know why guys think, ‘If I just do it, she’ll do it, too.’ I never understood that. ”She also has a suggestion for colleges: Teach martial arts and self-defense. A classmate at the University of Pittsburgh took her out to an Italian restaurant one night during her freshman year, then over to a friend’s house. Except for two details: She remembered there had been a baseball game on television the night before, and that there was an inflatable dolphin in the room.“I was young,” the woman, now 25, said.“I didn’t understand what happened until later, maybe a few weeks later, when this person made a comment about wanting to see me again and do what he did before.It led me to believe we had some sort of sexual contact.”If so, the woman said, it was without her consent; she was incapacitated.“I was in no state of mind” to say yes to sex, she said. She grabbed his hand, shoved it away and yelled at him to never touch her again. Not long afterward, in the crowded basement of a fraternity house during a party, a drunk man stuck his hand up her skirt as Erickson — totally sober — was walking past.She confronted him immediately.“He was like, ‘I didn’t rape you,’ ” she said.
“I was like, ‘I told you I did not want your penis in my vagina, and that’s what happened, so how is that not rape?
Even though he was uncomfortable with the situation, he was confused by his body’s behavior.“I’m like ‘Whoa, whoa, whoa, I must be broken, this doesn’t make sense,’ ” he said.
“So what I told myself, and I think it’s true, is for me it’s important that I like someone, I like their personality to an extent enough that I can become sexually attracted to them.
“Which is not true.”Saalika Khan had fallen asleep in a friend’s room after a party when someone else’s boyfriend crept up, started kissing her neck and tried to get into bed with her.“I woke up and was pushing him off, telling him to back off,” Khan recalled.
She was 18 at the time, a community college student in Maryland.“He had his arms around my waist,” she said. “I got out of there.”Now 25, Khan is a student at Towson University.
It took a long time for Kristina Erickson to realize that she had been raped in a dorm at Beloit College. Erickson later wrote an essay for the student newspaper in which she disclosed that her mother had been raped while she was a student at Beloit in the 1980s.“I am a legacy child in more ways than one,” she wrote, “and I have inherited the rape culture on our campus that I’m sure she prayed would be gone by the time I got here.”Erickson, 23, graduated from Beloit in 2013 and teaches high school English in the Phoenix area.